Emotions - How to accept them?

"Your emotions make you human. Even the unpleasant ones have a purpose. Don't lock them away. If you ignore them, they just get louder and angrier."

Usually, when we have an uncomfortable or unsettling feeling, such as fear, sadness, shame, and confusion, our first reaction is to reject or ignore that feeling. We categorize that feeling as something bad, and we want to do something to get rid of it, such as trying to push it away or using drugs or alcohol to feel better.

I am sure that none out there wants to walk around feeling emotional pain all the time, but unfortunately, we may worsen our mental health when we reject our emotions. Often emotions arise because they give us helpful information about the world, so sometimes getting rid of or pushing away emotions is not the best idea.

Therefore, we need to learn how to accept them. Accepting means that we allow our emotions to be what they are without trying to change them. But walk with them. Acceptance indicates letting go of control and learning that emotions cannot harm you, but they can make you stronger.

Accepting Emotions Is Not Resigning Yourself to Pain

It is important to make the distinction between acceptance and resignation. Accepting our emotions does not mean that we give up ourselves and resign to always feeling terrible or wallowing in pain. It also doesn't mean that you hold on to painful emotions or try to push yourself to experience emotional pain. It simply means that you are aware of your emotions and accept them for what they are right now, knowing that they won't last long.

You can imagine yourself as a soldier who has fought a long battle with his emotions. Accepting them is the act of you putting down your weapons and walking away from the fight. You are not resigning yourself to be defeated by your emotions; you are simply letting go of the struggle.

In some ways, accepting emotions means also accepting that emotions will change. When we are happy, we have to accept that happiness is a short-term condition; we will not always be happy. This goes for every type of emotion, from fear to anxiety to sadness. Feelings are fleeting and usually go away within seconds, minutes, or hours.

Why Accepting Emotions Is Important

We have emotions for a reason, so you shouldn't want to get rid of them completely. Emotions are part of a complex system that helps us decide what we should stay away from and what we should approach. Emotions also help us keep lasting relationships with other people. Without emotions, we would make terrible decisions all the time. Therefore, accepting emotions is helpful, because when we listen to our emotions, we can actually learn important information.

How to Practice Accepting Emotions

Step One: Identify the Emotion

The first step is to identify the emotion you are having.

If you are having trouble identifying the emotion, sit for a moment, and pay attention to your physical sensations and thoughts. See if you can give an emotion you have a name (e.g., sadness, anger, shame).

Once you have a name for the emotion, please write it down on a slip of paper.

Step Two: Getting Some Space

Now that you have identified the emotion close your eyes (if that feels safe to do) and imagine putting that emotion five feet in front of you. Imagine that for just a few minutes; you will put it outside of yourself so that you can look at it.

Later on, you will take it back, but for now, you will allow yourself just a bit of distance so that you can observe the emotion.

Step Three: Give the Emotion a Form

Now that the emotion is out in front of you, close your eyes and answer the following questions: If your emotion had a size, what size would it be? If your emotion had a shape, what shape would it be? If your emotion had a color, what color would it be?

Once you've answered these questions, imagine the emotion out in front of you with the size, shape, and color you gave it. Just watch it for a few moments and recognize it for what it is. When you are ready, you can let the emotion return to its original place inside you.

After the Exercise: Reflect

Once you've completed this exercise, take a moment to reflect on what you noticed about your experience. Did you notice any change in the emotion when you got a little distance from it? What about changes in your reactions to the emotion? What size, shape, and color did you give the emotion? Did the emotion feel different in some way once the exercise was finished?

Practice this exercise once a day for a month. It won't take much time out of your day, so it's not a huge investment. After a month, see if you notice any changes in how you relate to your emotions.

Allow yourself to be present in each emotion you feel without analyzing, judging, or pushing it away. Just BE with it. It may feel uncomfortable at first, but remember that all emotions do move on. Your feelings matter. Don't hide them. Embrace them. Hug them. Cuddle them just like a little child. Give your soul and heart the care they deserve.

"The emotion that can break your heart is sometimes the very one that heals it..."

Nicholas Sparks, At First Sight

Written by Anna Miraka